Today, I over-dressed for work. Fuck you.

Today, I over-dressed for work. Fuck you.

MY SPECTACULAR DAY: Enjoyed some delicious southern sweet tea. Put those goddamn flies [that made it into my house] to a miserable end, when I sucked them up in the vacuum cleaner. Cleaning and killing can be a real hoot! Found my little sister a graduation card that did not have:  Unnecessary cursive [that you can barely read by the way]. Odd slang [most likely from aunts & uncles that want to seem cool]. The words “WAY TO GO, GRAD!”. Or some sort of animal with a cap & gown. Canceled the delicious dinner I was going to make for my family, because I wanted to eat a tasty chicken burrito instead. You guys can just make some SpaghettiO’s or…soup, right? I mean, there’s a bunch of shit in the cabinet.

MY SPECTACULAR DAY:

  • Enjoyed some delicious southern sweet tea.
  • Put those goddamn flies [that made it into my house] to a miserable end, when I sucked them up in the vacuum cleaner. Cleaning and killing can be a real hoot!
  • Found my little sister a graduation card that did not have: 
  1. Unnecessary cursive [that you can barely read by the way].
  2. Odd slang [most likely from aunts & uncles that want to seem cool].
  3. The words “WAY TO GO, GRAD!”.
  4. Or some sort of animal with a cap & gown.
  • Canceled the delicious dinner I was going to make for my family, because I wanted to eat a tasty chicken burrito instead. You guys can just make some SpaghettiO’s or…soup, right? I mean, there’s a bunch of shit in the cabinet.
Just about everything around here closes super-duper fucking early. The only places that are open late, are a couple of strip clubs [not the good kind] & Walmart.Yup.

Just about everything around here closes super-duper fucking early. The only places that are open late, are a couple of strip clubs [not the good kind] & Walmart.

Yup.

TODAY’S [Saturday] SCHEDULE: Wake up. Breakfast. XBOX— paused for some good fondling… Sex. Catch up on House. A late lunch. XBOX. XBOX. XBOX. Din din. Maybe some more XBOX? Sleep. What the fuck do you want, it’s Saturday.

TODAY’S [Saturday] SCHEDULE:

  1. Wake up.
  2. Breakfast.
  3. XBOX—
  4. paused for some good fondling…
  5. Sex.
  6. Catch up on House.
  7. A late lunch.
  8. XBOX.
  9. XBOX.
  10. XBOX.
  11. Din din.
  12. Maybe some more XBOX?
  13. Sleep.

What the fuck do you want, it’s Saturday.

He doesn’t suspect a damn thing.

He doesn’t suspect a damn thing.

  • News Woman: If you look right behind me, is the scene of the crash. And if you walk just a couple feet over here, is the Elementary School. Thank God, there were not children out here when it had happened.
  • Timothy: [we both scoff] The news--
  • Moi: Makes things so much worse than they really are.
  • Timothy: Yeah. Thank god the children weren't here!
  • Moi: Yeah, me and my sister were watching the chase. It was at about 5:30 or 6-ish. There wouldn't be any children there anyways.
  • Timothy: And Oh! Thank God this field of bunnies over here didn't catch on fire!
Halloween before last, it was.

Halloween before last, it was.